The Nu Guide: Pain-free sex
In this article we’re going to discuss pain-free sex in two ways: penetrative sex or ‘intercourse’ and ‘outercourse’. We’ll talk positions, conditions, alternatives, and new experiences. Let’s dive in!
Penetrative sex or ‘intercourse’
Dyspareunia is the word used to describe continuous vulval or vaginal pain with penetrative sex. It can be differentiated into entrance pain and deep pain. There are many other conditions associated with dyspareunia, so if you experience pain that is concerning to you, please go and see a pelvic health physiotherapist or gynaecologist.
There are different techniques and positions you can try to alleviate the pain felt with intercourse, but before you read on or consider options for you, we want to make it clear that there’s no ‘one size fits all’ in this scenario. You know your body the best, and you should choose options that make sense to you and your preferences.
Pain is experienced differently by different people, and sometimes what is painful for one, is not for another. Factors such as variation in vulval and vaginal size, labial differences, whether or not you’re postpartum or peri-menopausal, will all have an influence over tissue sensitivity.
Communication with partners regarding pleasure, arousal, touch, outercourse and intercourse (penetration) is a priority. Whether you talk deep or in a lighthearted way, the important thing is to talk.
If penetrative sex is painful
Try using Nu Balm to soothe sensitive tissue and increase lubrication
Add pillows under or around your body for support or helping you be comfortable
Using support tools like an “OHNUT” can help for positions such as missionary and doggy style. This is a device that allows the penis to feel full penetration but is much more comfortable for a female
Try some different positions
Missionary style – try placing pillows under your hips to reduce deep penetration
Doggy style – try laying on your tummy rather than on all fours, and use lots of Nu Balm
Side lying – penetration from behind can ensure less depth, you can include the use of Nu Balm with your hand for clitoral stimulation
Any position where you have more control of the penetration – such as reverse sitting on top of partner while they are also seated
In any position, you could consider using small vibrator
‘Outercourse’
Yes, it’s possible to get sexy without penetrative sex! As a pelvic health physiotherapists I talk a lot about ‘outercourse’.
Societal norms which are a bit old school now mean that we are inherently led to believe that sex is not sex without penetration… this is not true.
Outercourse is non-penetrative sexual activity that stimulates your clitoris, vulva and thighs/and other erogenous zones.
The benefits of outercourse include getting to know (with partnered/non partnered sex) what is comfortable and pleasurable for you. It also allows you to guide each other and share erogenous feelings/zones with your partner and take things slowly. It encourages mutual touching, oral and intimacy outside of penetration. All of which can be much more pleasurable than penetrative sex!
Things to explore
Communicate with your partner about the importance of outercourse and how exciting it can be without penetration. Don’t knock it til you try it!
Use an external or clitoral vibrator or a couples designed vibrator
Mutual masturbation with an oil-based lubricant or balm – we hear Nu Balm is pretty great ;)
Oral sex, sensual kissing, touch and massage.
Focus on pleasure rather than climax. What do you or you and your partner enjoy? You might learn something new!
Whether you’re keen to explore pain-free options to find your groove with intercourse, or you’re ready to get better acquainted with outercourse, the most important thing to remember is that intimate and sexual pleasure doesn’t have to be a distant memory if you suffer from menopausal symptoms such as vaginal dryness, painful sex or loss of libido.
Intimacy is closeness on your terms. So explore at your own pace, invite your partner along for the ride, stock up on Nu Balm, relax, and enjoy!
